Beach Stalkers
by Cometstrike
Summary: Ratchet and Clank were just trying to go test out a gadget on Pokitaru, but they're discovered and swarmed by fans of the Secret Agent Clank series. With fans, comes fangirls-who are desperate to get close to the two heroes. However, among them lies one person whose sole intention is to make Ratchet and Clank's reputation sink down as far as it can go...
1. Chapter 1

_Metropolis, Kerwan_

_12:34 PM Solanian Time_

"Um, Clank? Have you seen my Glider? I left it here on the couch…"

"No, I have not. Are sure you have not displaced it somewhere else?"

Ratchet thought for a moment, standing still in the doorway with his wrench hanging loosely from his hand. He raised it up and started tapping the side of his head with it. "Hmm…displaced…aha! I got it!" and he dashed from the room. Clank chuckled to himself and went back to his book, which was huge, spread across his lap. A second later Ratchet came back, holding the device between his hands. "I found it, I had left it with my Hydrodisplacer under my bed!"

Clank flipped a page in his book. "Well, good. What are you planning to use it for?"

"I just wanted to give it a test run somewhere," Ratchet said excitedly, a maniac grin sliding onto his face. He cackled suddenly as he continued, "Remember several weeks back when you were trapped at the doorway because most of my weapons and gadgets were covering the floor and you couldn't walk three feet in?"

Clank squinted at him from behind the pages of his book. "Yes, I do. That was a disaster. If I remember correctly, you had told me you were equipping the device with Gadgetron-engineered UG-Dual Propulsion Rockets, am I correct?"

_"Yes!"_Ratchet shouted, more with excitement than happiness. He moved towards the robot, unable to contain his joy. "You know what the UG stands for? Huh? Do ya? _I betcha don't!"_

"It stands for-"

"-Ultra Grade!" Ratchet finished with him. "Ultra Grade, Clank. Ultra Grade. That's the best model that they have so far in the market! I had to spend 90K bolts on them!"

"I can only assume that they came with a safety helmet, correct?" Clank muttered, flipping a page.

He suddenly became aware that Ratchet was standing right in front of him, blocking out his view from the rest of the room. Clank looked up expectantly, but the lombax only squatted in front of him, apparently reading the title of the book he was reading. After awhile, Clank saw his eyebrows raise up slowly on his forehead. Ratchet lifted himself up a little, so that his face was partially covered by the book. His eyes focused on Clank's as he asked, "Are you reading…" He glanced down at the title again to make sure he wasn't going crazy, "…the _Dictionary_?"

"Yes, I am." Clank told him simply.

Ratchet continued staring at him in disbelief. "Why exactly? I'm sure you know just about every word that exists anyway."

Clank paused, doing a calculation in his head. "Actually, I know only about a mere 2,495,301,973 words. That includes words from other languages, as well."

Ratchet's face dropped, and he stood up. He'd never even heard of a number that big.

"Do you want me to accompany you while you try the Glider out for a test run?" Clank asked, closing the big book on his lap and setting it aside.

"Sure, you can come!" Ratchet looked out the apartment window, at the bustling skies of Metropolis. "I don't think we should try it out here though. We remember the last time something like that happened!"

"So where? Planet Tabora, where we first found it?" Clank suggested. "It has a lot of open space, with all the deserts it has."

"I was thinking Tabora," Ratchet said, rubbing his chin. "But I wanted to see how well it handled, too…"

"So a place that has obstacles, but not too dangerous that we might end up in the hospital," Clank said, thinking.

"What about…Pokitaru?" Ratchet asked, his face lighting up as Clank nodded. "Yeah, let's see…we could navigate between the islands and if we crash, we'll land in the water! Perfect! Oh, so I'd better bring my O2 mask, just in case…and some weapons if we get attacked…"

As soon as they got everything ready, they stored it in Aphelion's back trunk and climbed in themselves.

"All right," Ratchet said, his eyes set straight ahead determinedly, "Lift off in 3…2…1-"

"Well, there are my two faithful sidekicks!"

Ratchet swore loudly, slamming his hands down on Aphelion's dashboard in anger. The ship protested, but Ratchet and Clank were too busy glaring outside the cockpit to notice. The green superhero had suddenly appeared right in front of them with no warning, grinning stupidly at them in way that made Ratchet almost jump out the ship and beat him over the head with his wrench. Qwark leaned forward on Aphelion's nose, causing the ship to sink a bit in the front. "That's not how I expected my welcome to be. I was thinking of something more exuberant, like a fanfare and... ta-da! _Heeeereeee's_ _Qwwaarrrk!"_

Ratchet and Clank only responded by giving him stony looks, the former also shooting him the bird. Aphelion jerked backwards, causing Qwark to almost topple over.

"_Don't _lean on my nose!" The ship scolded him.

"Oh, come on! Why are you three giving me such a hard time this morning?"

"You know excatley why, Qwark." Ratchet snapped. "Remember that get-together we had on planet Magnus last week with the official chairman?"

"And how you took Aphelion without Ratchet's permission and purposely left us stranded because you didn't want to be late for your autograph signing on Luminopolis?" Clank added.

"And we were stuck for _days_?" Ratchet practically snarled.

"Yes, I had to home in on Ratchet's NavUnit and Clank's robotic signature to find them. They were lost somewhere in the Mylak plains. Far from civilization." Aphelion added sharply.

"Ohh, yeaah I remember that…" Qwark said. "Been wondering why Aphelion left by herself…well, that's in the past, right?"

The cockpit opened.

If anyone where to look out of their window out that moment and look down on the plaza below them, they would have seen a golden-furred lombax holding a Omniwrench jump out of a ship, then launch himself, fangs baring, at no one other than the famous Captain Qwark. Then they would've seen said lombax chase the green superhero around the plaza, occasionally scoring a hit at whatever part of the man he could hit with his wrench, also screaming very bad profanities at him. And then they would see a small silvery-gray robot also exit the ship, chase after the feline, grab his tail, and drag the snarling creature back to the ship.

But they didn't. So only Aphelion witnessed everything. She almost made a snide remark about Ratchet's temperament as Clank literally had to wrestle the lombax back into his seat.

But she still wanted the new paint job Ratchet said he'd give her, so she kept her vocal processers shut.

"Aphelion-set course for Pokitaru, quickly!" Clank told her, struggling to keep Ratchet in his seat. The cockpit closed, but not before a stringful of colorful words left Ratchet's mouth, directed at the waving green superhero several feet in front of the ship. Aphelion took off, driving herself automatically since she knew her pilot wasn't even thinking twice about doing it.

It was only until they'd left Kerwan's airspace Ratchet calmed down somewhat, finally at the controls now. Breathing heavily, Ratchet stashed his Omniwrench between his legs and settled down.

There was silence for awhile. Then Aphelion broke it by saying, "You know, I am rather impressed, Clank. I didn't know you had the strength to drag him, let alone drag him while he was thrashing around like that."

"I was just acting in the moment," Clank replied. "I had to do something."

Ratchet heaved a sigh, then said, "Aphelion, sorry for hitting you earlier. I just remembered I didn't apologize."

"It's all right. You might want to do something about that mouth of yours, though. How many languages did you cuss at him in?"

"Five." Ratchet and Clank said monotonously together.

"That's it." The lombax said, throwing his hands up. "I'm going to kill Qwark!"

"You've said that once a year ever since I became your ship." Aphelion said.

Clank shook his head. "He says that at least once a year."


	2. Chapter 2

"Well, here we are! Finally…"

Ratchet jumped out of Aphelion, Clank sliding out after him. While Ratchet went to retrieve everything, Clank scanned the area around them. They were on the dock they'd first landed on their first adventure. At that time, there was barely anyone around besides the resort manger, due to bloodthirsty mutants attacking and eating everything that moved. But now, it had tourists, all arriving periodically from coming ships. They were milling around, looking at the ocean and tropical wildlife, obviously captivated by its beauty. Clank wondered if they'd have any trouble getting through them, considering they were typically well-known in the Solana Galaxy-for more than just being its saviors.

Secret Agent Clank would most certainly cause an uproar at a popular tourist site, wouldn't he?

Ratchet appeared next to him.

"Hey, Clank, ready to go?!"

Not only did the lombax's loud voice carry across the area, those who heard it immediately recognized it and turned. Then, even more heads turned, this time a bit more quickly, at the mention of a certain famous movie star. Clank sighed, watching the crowd of fans begin to swarm towards them. He would really have to talk to Ratchet about being self-aware. Oh, look he hadn't even noticed how the docks were shaking progressively harder as tourists stampeded towards them.

"Clank? Why the long face?" Ratchet asked, shifting his glider on his back. He glanced up, did a double take, and shrank back. "Oh, shit-"

"Took you long enough, considering you attracted them over here with your voice," Clank told him snidely, putting his hands on his hips.

"Hey! Secret Agent Clank!"

"JEEVES, FURRY AS EVER, MAN!"

"He's here? He's HERE!"

"Can I get your paw print?"

"Can you do a ninja trick on me, Clank, please?"

"Who's that sexy piece of titanium?"

Ratchet and Clank's eyes widened as they backed away from the normal fans, towards Aphelion-

Then the rabid fangirls appeared.

There were about a handful of them, and they mowed through the mostly sane fans as they barged forward. Ignoring the screaming tourists falling and splashing into the water, they flanked Ratchet and Clank, chattering excitedly like a bunch of Florana One-Eyed Monkeys.

"Jeeves? Oh my God, where's my-"

"I'm going to die from excitement-"

"Agent Clank, is it true that you make out with Jeeves in private-"

"Move, stop pushing! I want to be near them!"

"I have the entire collection! I deserve a reward!"

A female Rilgarian who'd spoken about having the entire SAC collection stepped forward to Ratchet, who'd frozen on the spot. "I do deserve a reward," She gave him a once over, her eyes hovering over his general lower torso/waist area (unfortunately, Ratchet was wearing armor so she couldn't see what she was looking for very well) and grinned slyly, moving closer to the lombax. "...Right?" She traced a finger down Ratchet's chest as she came up to him; she was about a head shorter.

"Whoa, whoa, _whoa_!" Ratchet backed away quickly dragging Clank with them, dangerously taking them close to the edge of the dock; the tourists/fans started making a path around Aphelion to get closer to them. "Listen girl, I don't even know you-"

"Do you want to know me?" The same female asked. "We could spend a lot of quality time together, _alone_, by ourselves-"

"Yeah, I get it-no, I don't-why would you-" Ratchet sputtered. He paused, his face going completely slack, and then Clank saw a very familiar, _psychotic_ look slowly make its way across the lombax's face. The robot stepped away at the insane/freaked out Ratchet. Shit was about to get blown up.

Sure enough, Ratchet reached behind himself and pulled out his Spiral of Death* from only God knows where. Lifting the weapon donning the sharp, spinning blades, he stepped forward, cackling like a crazy nutcase. The crowd backed away a little, wary of the crazy lombax with the very pointy weapon.

"Step…_away_ from us…" Ratchet hissed, though he was still grinning widely. Clank himself backed away a little and sat behind Ratchet, chuckling. Ratchet was prone to getting trigger happy when something annoys or frustrates him, so the robot wasn't at least surprised by the sudden mood whiplash.

As the crowd slowly shifted backwards, Ratchet lowered the Spiral of Death and his smile turned into a smirk. "There we go, that's better. Now, if you'll excuse us-"

His chest expanded, and Clank tuned his hearing receptors down until he was almost deaf.

_**"WE WOULD LIKE TO GO ON WITH OUR BUSSINESS HERE!"**_

And he shot the blades of the weapon, purposely aiming it just above the crowd's head. A rather tall Blargian man ducked, his tourist hat snatched away by one of the blades, which were spiraling and spinning through the air like skinny tires. The remains of the cloth apparel fluttered to the ground as the panicked crowd made a mad dash away from the wide-eyed lombax and his stoic partner.

No one bothered them after that.

* * *

"Finally…we can get down to work."

Twenty minutes later, after the crowd had left and had gone back to observing the sights of Pokitaru (though occasionally stealing a glance at the famous duo) Ratchet and Clank were making final preparations to Ratchet's Glider, making sure that it was fully functional and ready for flight. The lombax had just come back from the gift shop via teleporter, and had something big in his hands. When Clank saw him take a bite from it he guessed that it was something to eat.

"I would not call this work. It is more like 'screwing around', as you put it sometimes. And what is that you're eating? Are you sure that's a good idea before being at least hundreds of feet in the air, going at potentially high speeds?" Clank asked Ratchet.

"Ah, you worry too much," Ratchet snorted. "This is a Pokitarian Cinnamon Pretzelphyte*. Look, it's in the shape of a tropical flower!" Ratchet stretched out his hand holding the pretzel. Or rather, the remains.

Clank squinted at it. "You mean it _was_ in the shape of a tropical flower, considering you ate the majority of it on the way here. "

"Er, yeah. Of course I mean that…" Ratchet said, looking behind Clank. He was looking over the Glider to make sure everything was in check. "Okay, I think it's good to go!" He stuffed the rest of the pretzel in his mouth and dusted his hands off.

Clank walked over, eyeing the device. "We have had that for quite a while. Is it still in good condition?"

Ratchet clapped him on the back, the impact making a dull clanking noise as the robot stumbled forward slightly. "'Course it is! I did a diagnostic check on it after I dug it out of the cellar in my garage on Veldin! It's perfect!"

"Well, whatever you say," Clank said, and latched himself on Ratchet's back as the lombax carried the device towards the edge of the dock. "Hopefully we will not crash, given any situation…In any case, I will assume that we'll make it through the day, still fully intact."

"The who and the what now?" Ratchet asked absentmindedly as he pressed the device against his body, fitting it so that the support cast would hold him comfortably.

"Just keep your eyes on the sky and pay attention!"

"All right, buddy," Ratchet set his determined eyes straight ahead on the ocean, trembling. "Let's do this."

He started cantering slowly, then broke out into a faster sprint as he neared the edge of the dock. Just as he jumped off, he gripped the handles of the device tightly. Two wings billowed out from the sides, catching the air immediately.

Ratchet looked down and saw the ocean rushing up at him; with a grunt, he set his weight back and pulled as hard as he could on the handles. Just as they were about to skim the surface of the crystal-clear ocean, the Glider pulled out of its dive and soared out into the open sky. When they were about five hundred feet up, Ratchet set the Glider straight and they cut through the air in a perfectly straight line, lying evenly in the air. Ratchet looked down, a huge smile spread on his face. "Woah! It's different being in a spaceship and seeing the ground through a dome of glass! This is awesome! I can see almost everything from here!"

Clank carefully unlatched himself and twisted on Ratchet's back, so that he was sitting facing forward and not up to the sky. Ratchet felt the robot slowly crawling up his back until settling down on his shoulders.

"I see what you mean," Clank said jovially. "It does look rather nice up here. Look at how the water is sparkling."

"This totally beats flying in a ship," Ratchet said, looking down at the ocean. "I mean, it's like we're actually flying!"

For about ten minutes, Ratchet led them around in a large circle around the ring of islands, passing over the resort multiple times. Occasionally they would look down and see tourists gaping up at them; some waved, so the duo waved back-well, Clank waved back while Ratchet pulled the most ridiculous faces at them. So, in addition to waving, some of the tourists down below were cracking up as well, while others (elderly, Clank noticed) merely shook their heads and complained about how 'kids these days are so (insert word(s)/phrases here)'".

While he was in the middle of taunting the elderly ambassador from Novalis, the robot on his back addressed him.

"Have you activated the DPRs yet?" Clank asked. Ratchet pulled his tongue back into his mouth, unwrinkled his nose, and got rid of the awful leer he was pulling. He turned his head to the side briefly, letting the robot know he'd acknowledged his question.

"Uh, no I haven't…let's see here-" Ratchet fumbled with something underneath the casting, apparently were the rockets were bolted down. His fingers found a button. "Oh, here it is!"

He pressed it.

For a split second nothing happened-then the rockets sputtered and blazed alive, increasing their speed moderately. Now slicing through the air at about 60 miles per hour, Ratchet joked to Clank, "You know, for a second there I thought they'd-"

There was a high pitched noise like a whistle -Ratchet and Clank winced as the awful noise assaulted their…hearing mechanisms-then the Glider jerked forward, everything becoming a blur as it accelerated even faster through the skies at top speed.

_"MALFUNTIONED!"_ Ratchet screamed, his ears flapping like mad now in the wind. Clank gripped Ratchet's shoulders tightly, highly aware that the chances of him falling off had now increased one hundred fold.

"Ratchet! What is the matter?!" Clank shouted.

"I-don't know!" Ratchet hollered back. They suddenly became aware that instead of flying evenly, they were shooting straight up into a 90 degree angle. Ratchet hung off on the handles, while Clank gripped his shoulders tightly, "-Shoot!"

"As long as we do not end up hitting any powerful air currents, we will be fine!" Clank told him, watching the ocean get farther and farther away as Ratchet struggled to control the device.

"Air currents?! What-" Ratchet began, but was cut off as what they'd just been disscusing slammed into them, knocking the Glider to the side. Then another blew them right up, and another attacked from the back, then the side, then…well, from all over the damn place. Ratchet was finding it increasingly difficult to control the Glider while it was being knocked around, and sure enough after about five minutes of this he was already exhausted.

"Clank…anyway to shut those rockets off?!" Ratchet panted, yanking the Glider back into a generally even position after another air current pounded them.

"I am not sure I can reach them! First, we need to get to a lower elevation so the drafts will not get to us!" Clank told him. "Close the wings-!"

Suddenly, a huge curtain of air hit them from the front-it was so strong it actually cause the Glider to curve upwards and fly inverted, with its underside facing the sky.

So now Ratchet and Clank were hanging for their lives from an out of control gadget, thousands of feet in the air.

"Freaking great!" Ratchet yelled, still gripping-no, hanging from the handles. "What could _possibly_ go wrong now?"

Clank pointed. "That!"

A large green spaceship was descending from the sky, apparently headed for the resort. A big, familiar Q was painted in all black on the sides of it. As they watched, it sank farther and farther down through the sky, down towards the resort.

"Oh, _HELL_ no!" Ratchet bellowed. "What is he_ doing here?!"_

"Probably followed us." Clank shouted, still managing to sound stoic about the whole situation.

"Well, what I wouldn't give for another strong air current to knock us out the sky right now! That or a busted rocket,"Ratchet said, staring down at the descending ship, "Then at least we'll get out of the damn sky-"

He got his wish.

In the next second, the Glider spun out of control as one of the rockets sparked violently, fizzed, and went dead, leaving the device out of balance. It looped, then started pinwheeling through the sky.

"Holy-" Ratchet started, then they started spiraling out of control, spinning and curving through the air. Ratchet could barely keep his grip on the handles, and Clank was hugging Ratchet's back.

The glider suddenly turned at a 90 degree angle in the air and started heading straight down for the ocean. The lombax squinted, barely able to keep his eyes open due to the wind rushing up at them.

"Hang on, Clank! We're gonna crash!"

About one hundred feet from the water, the device did an abrupt turn then looped sideways, making the lombax and the robot spin loosely in a barrel roll. Not only that, but the machine lurched downwards briefly, pulled up in a sharp curve, did a loop and spun out sideways, corkscrewing to the ground again.

All this time Ratchet and Clank were getting thrown and jerked all over the place, and they were getting sick of it.

Figuratively and physically.

"Ugh…"Ratchet groaned, closing his eyes to stop some of the dizziness as the machine did yet another sudden turn, "I don't feel so well…"

"Should we bail? I cannot correctly judge the ground's distance from us now, but I can detect that we are getting dangerously close to it," Clank asked. From the look on his face it looked as if he were getting a bit sick as well. As sick as any robot can get, anyway.

"How…how far up are we?" Ratchet called, his eyes still closed.

"About twenty feet."

Ratchet's eyes snapped open. _"WHAT?!"_

Sure enough, the sand-covered beach was rushing up at them. The Glider had finally exhausted its rocket fuel and was flying regularly again, but they were too close to the ground to pull out. The duo screamed in syncopation as the front of the gadget hit the sand, and they went tumbling off of it, rolling and skidding to a stop twenty feet later in the sand. After a few seconds, Clank was the first to get up. He looked around and saw Ratchet, but he felt a bit confused. He was disoriented from the acrobatics in the sky and his perception receptors were a bit frazzled, which was why he couldn't pinpoint their relative position to the ground until they were literally about to crash onto it.  
And why he was suddenly walking like a toddler just learning how to stand, let alone move on two feet. Clank stumbled forward towards Ratchet, who had slowly pushed himself up in a sitting position, albeit hunched over.

"Ugh, I don't feel too good…Clank, what's the matter?" Ratchet asked, briefly forgetting his nausea as he saw his friend walk in a broken path to him, stumbling and occasionally falling.

"I am all right," The small robot told Ratchet cheerfully. "I have not yet regained my sense of perception." Something moved in his vision, and his head snapped up; about twenty feet away, he saw someone walking towards them on the beach.

"Oh, from what happened while we were up…"Ratchet took his helmet off and flopped backwards on the grass, clutching his stomach. "That was too much, and I swear I'm gonna hurl if anything else unfortunate happens in the next ten seconds."

Clank didn't reply; he was too busy watching the figure approaching Ratchet from behind. The person stopped right at Ratchet's head, and the lombax tilted his head back and saw who it was.

His next reaction was to roll over and dry heave onto the beach.

As Clank walked over to Ratchet, he turned his head and gave a slightly stern look to the newcomer. "Excuse me, miss, but if I may ask, why did you follow us here?"

"Because, he didn't answer my question from earlier!"

"You shocked him then. I could not blame him, considering how despicable it was," Clank deadpanned, patting Ratchet on the back. "But we just crashed here and you found us soon after. How?"

The female Rilgarian rolled her eyes. "Because, a tall green guy told he'd seen you two landing over here while he came in on his ship."

Ratchet recovered long enough yell profanities in Markazian. Clank's eyes widened. He knew Ratchet could shoot his mouth off when he got angry, but he'd never heard anybody combine all possible obscenities into one long word like that. There were currently 178 bad words in Markazian, and Ratchet went through all of them in less than a minute.

When he was done with his rage he paused then retched again, pounding the ground with a fist.

"Uh, does he do that often?" the female asked, wide eyed. Of course she hadn't understood the lombax but she could tell by Clank's still shocked face that he'd said something bad.

"No." Clank said, still a bit dazed. "That is the first time he has done that-"

"I'm gonna kill him!" Ratchet roared suddenly. He tried standing up but he was still out of balance so he just swayed like a really drunk person before taking uneven steps to his right and then falling. Muttering darkly, he rolled onto his front and buried his head in his arms.

Clank and the female could only stand and watch him in shock.

"If I see is ugly mug one more time, I'm swear I'm gonna fu-"

"Cratchet, Rank! What a coincidence to run into you here!"

"-_UCKING KILL HIM_." Ratchet finished, lifting his head to glare at Qwark, who was dressed rather appropriately-khaki shorts and a pink shirt with yellow tropical flowers on it. On his head he wore a hat to match his shorts, and had sunglasses which he slid down off of his face to give the downed lombax a sarcastic look. "Of course you'd still be sore. I just came for a bit of R and R, you know what I mean? After all, I save galaxies pretty much single handedly so I should put a little me time aside, you know? Actually, you two wouldn't know…you're my sidekicks, after all!"

"Qwark, when my stomach stops churning long enough, I'm coming to kick your ass all the way to Plasma City." Ratchet growled. He let out another groan as another wave of nausea swept through him. "Why would I eat something that big before flying?"

He could've sworn he heard a robotic voice chuckle behind him, but in the next moment Clank was next to him.

"Just lay there until you feel better, Ratchet." Clank told him reassuringly. He turned to the other two. "A_hem_."

For a moment Qwark and the Rilgarian just stood there, not getting the message. Then Qwark muttered a loud "Oh!" before announcing to the female, "They want some alone time together. Let's leave these two by themselves, shall we?"

Clank heard Ratchet growling softly behind him.

He hoped that Captain Qwark had health insurance.

"Why can't he be left alone with_ me?"_ the girl pouted, letting herself be led away by Qwark. Then her eyes lit up. "I know, the Agent Clank and Jeeves shippers will be happy when I tell them this!"

Clank's mouth dropped comically. What did she just whatwhatwhat did sheshe just sayay?

"Clank…what's 'shippers'?" Ratchet asked, puzzled.

The robot was still facing away. Oh boy, was Ratchet going to be pissed….

Slowly Clank turned around. "Uh, I will tell you later. What matters now is that you feel well again." He started towards the crashed, but still intact, Glider sitting twenty feet away. "I will go retrieve the Glider. Stay there and do not move."

He walked over to the gadget, still moving erratically but not as badly as he had been at first.

Ratchet watched him for a few moments, struggling to pull the gadget out of the sand. Just as the lombax was about to get up to help, he froze when something in the bushes moved in his peripheral vision. His ears shot up as he sat up slowly, turning to the rustling bushes. He was alarmed to see that Clank had his back to them, still trying to pull the Glider out the sand.

Then, just barely, he could see a camera stick slowly out the bushes and point at Clank.

* * *

*A pretzelphyte is a term to refer to someone who loves pretzels very much

* For those of you who don't know what the The Spiral of Death looks like- wiki/Spiral_of_Death

bryan mccloud: Just to say, Ratchet isn't fully multilingual-he just brought it upon himself to only learn the bad words in five other languges-Markazian being one of them :D


	3. Chapter 3

"Look look, there he is!"

"But he's by himself…"

"Yeah, you guys said he'd be making out with Jeeves!"

Qwark, the female Rilgarian, and two female twin Novalians were hiding in the bushes, spying on the duo. They'd brought a camera to record the hopeful makeout session between Agent Clank and his chauffer. But they only saw Clank by himself, and they weren't happy.

"I promise you guys, Ra-Jeeves," Qwark corrected himself, "Is here! I saw him, he was _just_ lying over there about twenty feet away from Clank!"

"He must've moved, then!" One of the twins pouted; she was the one holding the camera, which she reeled back. "I guess they aren't going to make out, after all!"

A sudden, but short, hissing noise was heard nearby them, and the twin that hadn't spoken looked to her right, over her sister-but she didn't see anything but the bushes that they were hiding behind.

"Where the_ heck_ he'd go?!" The Rilgarian asked, folding her hands. "We were only gone for like, thirty seconds!"

Qwark suddenly felt as if though someone nearby was watching him.

Causally rolling his shoulders, he glanced around-and just barely caught a glimpse of something moving around the edge of the brush they were hiding in, about ten feet away. It was such a small, imperceptible movement that he'd assumed it was his imagination- and was about to let it go at that, but then he remembered how they'd hadn't seen Ratchet ever since they got back. Feeling a bit nervous, he glanced at the same area again, but didn't see anything. And then he felt tapping on the side of his head.

"Hello, anybody in there?"

"What? Oh, yes, I do have a pre-owned pocket crotchitizer!" Qwark blurted suddenly.

The twins paused in their conversation and slowly turned to face Qwark, something like disgust and shock on their faces while the Rilgarian just shook her head.

"Listen, buddy, you're our only chance of getting up close and personal to these two, so I need you to concentrate," She said, giving Qwark a I-dare-you-to-object look, "Now, help us find-!"

She had been looking Qwark directly in the eye, but something in motion behind him made her glance past him; the very person she was tracking down was stealthily moving closer to them on all fours, his ears pressed flat down on his head, a silent snarl on his face and looking as pissed off as any lombax can get.

By now the twins had seen what she was looking at, and they too joined her in staring in complete shock behind Qwark, who hadn't noticed a thing, of course.

"Find what? An autograph, I can sure give you one…" Qwark reached behind himself and pulled out a notepad and pen from nowhere. "Now, make a line, I don't need you three fighting over me…."

Instead of forming an orderly line on front of Qwark they did they exact opposite, running in the opposite direction screaming bloody murder.

"Hm, I guess the pressure got to them," Qwark said, watching their retreating figures. "Well, I suppose not everyone can handle my heroic charisma!"

He paused when he realized that he heard low, but powerful growling from behind him. Ratchet's bright and angry eyes met his as he turned around-which immediately let Qwark know that the lombax had overheard them and saw what they were doing.

The green superhero shifted uncomfortably, realizing that he didn't have health insurance.

"_What_," Ratchet's voice was barely audible, but carried a dangerous and furious tone to it, "-were you doing, spying on Clank?"

"Well ah, see, you have some very persistent fans, and I-well I just had to fulfill their requests, right?" Qwark tried carefully, noting how they lombax's tail wasn't swishing in the way it did when he got annoyed or upset-which meant Ratchet was pissed off to fucking hell or he wasn't angry or irritated.

But Qwark was smart enough to know what the real reason was.

Ratchet didn't say anything, keeping his hard glare on Captain Qwark fixed. And then- he started moving towards him, taking slow steps at first. Qwark followed his pace, backing up at the same rate the lombax was coming at him-which was getting faster and faster every second. "Uh, Ratchet?" Qwark asked as he almost stumbled over backwards, "Listen, I know you're mad, but-"

All of a sudden, the snarling lombax sprang at him, his fists aimed right for his head. "_I'LL KILL YOU!_"

Yelling like a little girl, Qwark dodged the blow, then another as the agile lombax bounced back and swung at him again. Then the green superhero turn tailed and ran off screaming with the golden lombax snapping right at his heels.

* * *

Clank had finally dug the Glider out the ground.

When he turned to where Ratchet had been minutes earlier, he didn't see him. "Of course. How did I expect him to actually stay in one spot for at least sixty seconds?" Clank muttered.

He started dragging the Glider across the ground, pausing when he heard screaming, and then he saw three females leap out of the bushes and run towards the resort, yelling their heads off. One of them, a Novalian from the looks of it, had a rectangular shaped object and a pole clamped in her hands. Clank's eyes squinted in suspicion. Had they been spying on him? They had been in a perfect position to do so-and what was that one of them was holding? It looked suspiciously like a camera. Clank turned his head towards the bushes that they had jumped out of, his neon green eyes surveying the area closely. He could just barely hear a voice-a male, it seemed. As he listened, it grew more and more anxious and scared. It sounded almost like-

-Captain Qwark, who barreled out of the brush suddenly, running and screaming in the exact same manner the girls before had done. Clank shook his head. What had they been do-

A second, smaller but fast blur shot out of the brush as well, tailing Captain Qwark closely. It only took Clank a fraction of a second to identify the golden streak, his eyes widened.

"Uh oh, What has happened?" Clank muttered. "I turn my back for a minute, and look at what happens."

He let the Glider go. He would come back for it later.

But right now, he would have to stop Ratchet from murdering Qwark.

He quickly started towards the direction he saw Ratchet and Qwark head in. If he-no, if Qwark was lucky, he would be able to find some way to hold Ratchet off until the robot got there. Maybe.

His feet left the grainy sand and touched the wooden dock, increasing his traction and making him significantly faster; good. He needed all the speed he could get. Within 30 seconds he reached the resort, which had several people moving about in it. Of course they stopped and stared at the popular movie star as he passed by, but the robot didn't give any of them a second glance. He spotted a teleporter sitting nearby and a quick analysis of its teletransportaion signature indicated that it led to Bob's Roboshack. Clank took his chances and stepped through, arriving at the mechanic's shop. The owner himself was standing out in front with his back to Clank, looking at something in the distance and scratching his head. As Clank walked up behind him he heard him say, "….kids these days and their antics…"

"Excuse me, sir."

Bob turned around at the robot's voice, and his eyebrows raised up when he saw who it was. "Well, I'll be! How's things going for you, little buddy?"

"I am fine, thank you for asking," Clank replied. "However, I am looking for my best friend and my colleague."

"Your best friend? Ah yes," Bob nodded. "I remember. Furry yellow guy, large ears, green eyes, am I right?"

"Yes, that is him!"

"Yeah, I just saw him fly past here, after some fellow I believed to be Captain Qwark." The mechanic shrugged. "I mean, they shot past here so fast I only realized they were because one of 'em was screaming (Captain Qwark I believe, I didn't know he was such a baby) and the other one yelling words," One of Bob's eyebrows stayed up while the other one lowered, "Words I'm not so sure I should repeat."

Clank facepalmed. "Oh, boy. I need to talk to him about that mouth of his. Thank you sir, I must make haste after them," Clank waved at Bob as he started running in the direction he was being pointed in.

"No problem, little buddy! Make sure everything's all right, you hear?"

* * *

4 HOURS LATER

Clank screeched to a halt on the dock, then sat down with his legs dangling off the edge. He'd apparently been chasing Ratchet and Qwark all over the resort the entire day; though he never caught sight of them civilians would always point him in the direction they saw a famous superhero being chased by a very angry cat-like creature (to put it in better terms, since Ratchet was moving so fast that no one apparently saw him, only his most defining features).

Now Clank was near where they'd landed Aphelion about five hours ago; he sighed. He was feeling tired, and wanted to go into hibernation mode so badly. But he couldn't, of course. Ratchet was still on the loose, and Clank figured that whatever Qwark did to him would have the lombax furious at him for a long time if he had been chasing the superhero all day.

Wait, organics could only go so long without taking a rest. There was no way they'd been running around constantly since noon. That means that one of them MUST be somewhere resting. Clank rotated his upper body to Aphelion, who was right behind him. "Aphelion, have you seen Ratchet or Qwark pass by here?"

There was a long pause, and Aphelion shifted slightly so that her nose was pointing in Clank's general direction. She had just been woken up.

"Hm? Oh yes, I think so," The ship replied. "I was asleep, but I dimly remember registering at least two people activate the teleporter to your left."

"All right," Clank got up and headed for the teleporter that would send him down to the sewers, if he remembered correctly. "Please inform me if Ratchet passes by here. He is…a bit unruly at the moment."

"Oh, it must be Qwark that's annoying him again…in that case, find him as soon as you can-" Aphelion began. "-wait…where's the Glider?"

"It is on an atoll at about 45 degrees north to your relative position, sitting on the beach where I left it. I do not think anyone will take it, but can you do me a favor and go pick it up?"

"After all the fuss Ratchet was making about the thing…" The ship took off into the sky, drifting off slowly. Clank ran down the dock and jumped into the teleporter, popping out in the sewers. There, sitting a few feet in front of him and leaning back on the wall, was Ratchet. The lombax did show signs of fatigue- he was breathing a bit heavier than usual, Clank could tell, and his ears were flat against his head. His eyes were closed as well; this allowed Clank to silently move close to him without the lombax noticing. Either he was asleep or really out of it because he definitely could've still heard Clank's almost silent footsteps about a foot from him. The robot stopped, then blurted, "Hey, Ratchet!"

"_WAUGOH!_" The lombax jumped violently, his ears flaring up as well. Wide eyed and panting, he looked around widely until he saw the little robot standing in front of him, grinning. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh…Clank."

"Well, you certainly seem to be tired," Clank chuckled. "By what, I'm not so sure."

Ratchet blinked, not catching Clank's sarcasm at first. Then his eyebrows furrowed as he smiled down at the robot. "Well, I was trying to stop a certain giant green turd from spying on you, along with his cohorts of fangirls. They'd been hoping that we were spending... intimate time together."

Now that caught Clank off guard-even though he'd figured as such.

Seeing the robot's mouth gape open slightly, Ratchet snickered and stood up. "Yep. They were trying to film us 'making out', if I heard correctly."

Clank felt as though his circuits had been fried. That didn't make sense at all…did it?

"Come on, let's go."

"What?"

Ratchet looked down at him quizzically, his hand stretched down. "Uh, yeah, as in leave Pokitaru."

"What about Qwark?"

Ratchet's smile dropped. "There's a reason why Helga forces him to exercise nonstop, and it's to beat others in the category of stamina, that is. To tell you the truth Clank," The lombax looked to his left and right, as if he was about to reveal a very top-secret secret. "I got fed up, and after I realized I didn't want to spend my day chasing this dolt around, I came down here to cool off-"

"Well, you chose the right place for rest, sonny!"

Ratchet's earlier reaction to Clank's arrival paled in comparison to the one regarding the sudden appearance of a very familiar blue bespectacled face; to say the least, he ended up striking out in defense to the newcomer. "_SHIT!_" Ratchet bellowed in surprise.

The Plumber's eyebrows rose as he caught Ratchet's wrench between his hands with little effort. "Watch that mouth of yours, youngin'. In my days, you'd get a bar of soap in your mouth if you so much as thought of words like that. By the way, nice reflexes." He released the wrench to the still shell shocked lombax, who now watched him warily.

"Excuse me sir, but why are you down here?" Clank asked. "I understand that this is apart of a plumbing system, but I do believe that this planet was voted #1 in Solana's Most Nondisgusting Sewer System."

"Well, I just like being down here," The Plumber chortled. "I can't get enough of this nice, clean, refreshing, sewer system." He lifted his hands up and spun in a circle, apparently marveling. Ratchet raised an eyebrow and exchanged unamused glances with Clank.

"Yeah, the most nicest, tranquil sewer system in the galaxy- that was once invaded by a deadly race of amoeboid-like creatures," The lombax added, sarcasm dripping in his voice. "Don't forget that."

"What are you two doing down here, anyway? I should be the one wondering why two intergalactic heroes are down underneath Pokitaru's surface in a sewer."

"We were just…rendezvousing." Clank told him. No need to tell him that they'd been running around the entire freaking resort all day.

"Down here?"

"…Yes."

"After seeing you chase that big green fellow all around all day I reckon you would be somewhere where you could…cool off." The Plumber said with a raised eyebrow. Ratchet's face dropped. "I thought so. Whatever he's done to you isn't worth tiring yourself out, sonny. And having your best friend tail behind you all day."

Ratchet looked sheepish. "Oh, right…sorry I left you, buddy."

"It is all right," Clank said. "However, I am curious to know why they were in the bushes spying on us in the first pla-" He paused, realizing something. Duh. He could be so slow sometimes, even for a robot. He should've connected what he heard earlier to the fangirls hiding in the bushes.

_I know, the Agent Clank and Jeeves shippers will be happy when I tell them this!_

Oh GOD no.

* * *

"Oh, look, Aphelion brought my Glider back!" Ratchet noticed as soon as they'd left the sewers. The device was sitting innocently in front of the ship.

"There you are! Clank had been all over looking for you-"

"It is all right Aphelion. We have resolved our issues," Clank told her. Turning to Ratchet, he asked, "Now, do you want to leave or stay? I am sure you do not want to be harrowed by Captain Qwark anymore."

"Damn right." Ratchet muttered. "Let's go to Bogon and visit Tabora, like we were going to initially. It's out of the way and we have cover all over."

"Not to mention, we can get there in a matter of hours while Qwark can't," Clank chuckled.

"Gravometric warp-drive?" Ratchet asked, a sneaky grin sliding on his face.

"Gravometric warp-drive." Clank nodded. He jumped on Aphelion's wing and stood facing Ratchet on it. "It is 4:47. Come, if we want to get back to Solana before midnight we must hurry and get to Tabora now. Four hours round trip, remember?"

Ratchet's ears hitched up slightly higher as he realized this, a surprised look on his face. "Oh-right, yeah let's get going-"

"Okay,_ what about my paint job?!_" Aphelion yelled suddenly, shifting her weight in anger. Unfortunately, this caused Clank to tumble off her wing head first, siding down her nose until he crashed full force into the unsuspecting lombax's face. "UUGH!" It could've been a side affect of hitting Ratchet headfirst but Clank could've sworn he saw a flash of light somewhere to his left the moment he collided with the lombax.

"Yaoch!" Ratchet yelped, feeling the robot's hard forehead smash into his. Clank had stopped sliding forward, but then he started slipping off the ship sideways. Ratchet grabbed him around the waist quickly, before he could hit the dock. "Watch it-"

Setting the robot down on the dock, Ratchet asked, "You okay, pal?"

"Yes, I am fine…"Clank muttered back, feeling thoroughly embarrassed. From a distance far away enough, it would have looked like they were…

"…kissing." Ratchet's voice suddenly. Clank's head shot up in surprise. "What?!" The robot asked.

"I said, the way you fell almost guaranteed you and the dock would be kissing." Ratchet repeated, and Clank relaxed. He obviously had passed it off as an accident and hadn't thought of it in the way Clank had. But as he looked, it struck him as strange how Ratchet's cheeks appeared to be turning red; however the lombax stood up at his full height to address the ship, so he wasn't sure.

"Don't worry, Aphelion, I'll give you the paint job before the day's over," Ratchet told her, smiling. "But first, just wait a bit longer, okay?"

"…okay…" The ship answered, the cockpit hissing open. Clank jumped inside while Ratchet stashed the Glider in the back. After the lombax had gotten in, he said, "Aphelion, hightail it to the Bogon galaxy. I'll give you the coordinates to Tabora, but for now, we gotta book it outta here before a certain someone shows up!"

"Gladly. I don't like it how he leaned on me earlier, it's very condescending how he did it." The ship said, lifting up and shooting off into the atmosphere.

While Ratchet was preparing to activate the gravometric warp-drive, Clank, who'd been silent until then, asked, "What do you think those girls are going to tell others? I mean, they obviously got the notion that we were doing…questionable things. And I would not put it past them to make stories up."

"Eh, I dunno, and frankly I don't care," Ratchet answered, occupied with turning the controls on the right settings. "As long as they don't crop up with some ridiculous shit like, 'Two intergalactic heroes caught making out on beach', or 'Is Secret Agent Clank holding more secrets than we though? Furry edition!'"

Clank chuckled at the last one. "Well, you can't not ever wonder. The ridiculous things people can come up with…."

They were silent for a moment, save for Ratchet making some final adjustments for the galaxy hop.

Then the lombax looked over at him and said, "Now that you say that pal, I think something's going to come back and bite us in the ass."

Clank didn't say anything, and Ratchet faced forward again. "I don't know what it is…"

"...but I just now got this feeling that I shouldn't have chased and threatened Qwark around all day."

* * *

"_Is that true?!_"

"I knew it, I just knew it!"

"Tell us more!"

"Come on, _come on!_"

Qwark waved his hands at the gathering crowd, trying to calm them down. Well, mostly the rabid fangirls, who were over him like a pack of dogs on a piece of steak.

"Easy there, people, easy!" Qwark said. "I'll tell you more-"

"Wait!" A very familiar female robot pooped up out of nowhere, brandishing a mic and being flanked, strangely, by a large green amoeboid holding a pen and pad. Of course, this made most people drift quickly away from her but they still stayed within listening distance of Qwark, who in turn looked like his birthday had come early.

"_Ah_, Channel 64 news~," The green superhero chimed. "Just on time for me to tell you some," He raised his hands, beckoning the crowd closer, and they shifted forward like a school of fish,

"_…personal_ things about Ratchet and Clank's relationship."

* * *

**A/N **

**...Dun dun dun...**

**...cliffhanger, why u no stoooopp? **

**:D**

**But yeah, this leads into another three part series, where some things get ****_very_**** interesting for Ratchet and Clank. Things like:**

**Our favorite lombax getting drunk at a bar. On ****_accident_****.**

**Clank trying to keep a secret from Ratchet-a secret that's being broadcasted across the galaxy.**

**Ratchet and Clank sleeping in a bed together.**

**A burglary of Ratchet and Clank's house-with an awful homicide in the room next to the one they were in.**

**...and some more stuff, so stay tuned! :D**


End file.
